- Marti rode on a shark’s back all the way from Cuba to Miami. Upon his arrival, he ate the shark in a single setting and wears its teeth stringed together on a necklace under his jersey as a reminder of his journey.
- Albert Pujols has a tatoo of Marti on his back.
- Bud Selig ordered the Cardinals to banish him to the Mexican League, in fears of the league losing competitive balance.
- Marti lives on a steady diet of pine cones and porcupines.
- When Marti left Cuba, Fidel Castro breathed a sigh of relief.
- Marti once hit a home run on a hit by pitch.
- Marti is his own batting practice pitcher.
- He is the black smoke monster on the island.
- Marti’s bat is made of Sequoya wood, is filled with monkey skulls and covered in blood.
- Marti eats live jellyfish and drinks turpentine.
- He once scolded Nancy Grace because he felt she was being “too soft” with the guests on her show.
- His favorite ice cream flavor is napalm.
- In Mexico, there are two major TV networks. Telemundo and Amaury Marti.
- The streets of Minatitlan are paved with the bricks that opposing pitchers have pooped once they had a peek at Marti’s guns.
- The chief export of Amaury Marti is line drives.
- Marti can play all three outfield positions. At the same time.
- He did all the special effects in Transformers.
- He’s fluent in Entish and Black Speech.
- Alec Baldwin apologized to his daughter because Amaury Marti said so.
- Amaury’s birthday is uncertain because Marti does not age. Every birthday, it’s just another year added to his existence, which sucks for opposing pitchers.
- You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip. Unless of course you’re Amaury Marti.
- You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But Marti line an old dog down the left field line.
- Carlos Delgado now stands for the National Anthem because Marti says he will.
- The Mexican League will now be known as the Amaury Cazana Marti league.
- Marti eats fastballs and craps line drives.
- Marti once hit a ground rule double on a ground ball hit to the shortstop.
- Marti won’t swing at a hanging breaking ball. He finds them offensive.
- When you go to see a game Amaury Marti is playing in, you have to buy 2 sets of tickets one for the baseball game and another for the gun show.
- When Amaury Marti does push-ups, he’s not pushing himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Marti does 500 push ups in between each inning. Then he works out a little bit.
- His farts have that new car smell.
- It’s been shown that Amaury Marti doesn’t ever actually hit a baseball. The ball flies away in fear before his bat makes contact.
- There is boy in Pakistan, a boy in Malta, three in Chad and another in Estonia all named Rawlings because a mysterious white meteorite landed in their family’s yards just before they were born. About three hours beforehand, Amaury Marti had gotten a hold of one of Sammy Sosa’s old bats.
- Once, Amaury Marti borrowed Mjolnir for a game. Scientists believe this event caused the Mt. Pinatubo eruption, Hurricane Rita and the Avian Flu.
- Amaury translates into “Punisher of Spheroids” in the lost tongue of Atlantis. Marti means “Belgian Waffle.”
- Amaury Marti can rip the Mexico City phone book in half. With one hand.
- Someone once told Amaury Marti that if he shaved his legs, he’d be able to run faster. Mexico is still experiencing a shortage of razors, and Amaury Marti still has hair on his legs.
- Amaury Marti ages slower than everyone else because he is actually moving at 99.9999746% the speed of light.
- Amaury Marti hits like Ruth, runs like Mays, and loves like Elizabeth Taylor.
- Amaury Marti is under the impression that he is playing in a Catholic slow-pitch softball league for his church.
- Amaury Marti had a headache, so he had Albert hit him in the head as hard as he could with an axe; afterwards Arnoldi Cruz sprang, fully formed, out of Marti’s head, wearing a powder blue uniform and carrying a 42 ounce bat. Marti still kicked his butt.
- It is widely believed that Amaury Marti’s tears cure cancer. This cannot be proven, however, as Marti has never cried.
- Amaury Marti can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Amaury Marti’s warm-up exercises.
- It is said that Amaury plays for the Mexican Red Devils, but in truth, the Red Devils play for Amaury Marti.
- Amaury is 100 feet tall.
- 1 Mexican peso = 0.097372 U.S. dollars. One Amaury Nickel = $5,000,000 American dollars.
More to come…and feel to suggest a fact in the comments. But try and keep it clean. Thanks!
erik
azruavatar
fewgoodcards
roarke49
theredbaaron
When Amaury Marti does push-ups, he’s not pushing himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
When you go to see a game Amaury Marti is playing in, you have to buy 2 sets of tickets one for the baseball game and another for the gun show.
DJ87..that made me laugh…
Grant, i like the pushing the earth down one. those make the cut, i’ll add them later.
#14 is my favorite.
Insted of rolling out the Red Carpet for Amaury Marti they roll out Toilet Paper, because he is the [radio edit] poop!
It is widely believed that Amaury Marti’s tears cure cancer. This cannot be proven, however, as Marti has never cried.
slow afternoon at work. many apologies for what follows:
B.J.–those are all just awesome.
keep them coming.
Amaury Marti is my father…Which means I am related to 5/8 of the World’s Spanish speaking population.
Amaury Marti once hit 5 homeruns, in the same at bat.
A clone army of Marti’s will one day rule the world.
Amaury Marti is under the impression that he is playing in a Catholic slow-pitch softball league for his church.
Albert Pujols is actually Amaury Marti’s illegitimate son.
So when do we go through with a find->replace all->”Arnoldi Cruz” script?
So when do we go through with a find->replace all->”Arnoldi Cruz” script?
Amaury Marti had a headache, so he had Albert hit him in the head as hard as he could with an axe; afterwards Arnoldi Cruz sprang, fully formed, out of Marti’s head, wearing a powder blue uniform and carrying a 42 ounce bat. Marti still kicked his ass.
In 1977 when Marti was only 12 years old, it was said marti hit the ball so hard, he ripped the cover off the Ball and it traveled 567ft. But he would not take Credit for it because he used an Aluminum Bat.
Sleepy, that is good, really good.
Amaury Marti can eat just one lays potato chip.
Amaury Marti can believe its not butter.
Amaury Marti once got sick after some bad seafood. He threw up a blue whale whole.
There is no life on Mars because intelligent life knows Amaury Marti resides too close.
Amaury Marti woos women with his sensual trombone playing. He can pilot a bicycle up severe inclines with unflagging speed, he cooks “Thirty minute brownies” in seventeen minutes. Amaury is an expert in art stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a hefty glass of water, Amaury Marti once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. He plays bluegrass cello. He addressed Congress at the opening session last year. He has been the subject of a PBS documentary narrated by David McCullough. When he’s bored, Amaury constructs large suspension bridges in his yard. He hang-glides to work when the weather is balmy. On Wednesdays after work, Amaury Marti repairs electrical appliances for free.
Amaury Marti doesn’t test positive for steroids, steroids test positive for Amaury Marti!
OKOKOKOKOK, you guys are going to absolutely kill me!!! Art Stucco?! Please tell me this was an intentional pun on art deco!
If I had a body like Amaury Marti I would walk around Naked!
Amaury Marti can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Amaury Marti’s warm-up exercises.
When Amuary Marti hits the snooze button, the sun stays down for 10 more minutes.
On a trip to France Amuary Marti bedded all the good looking women in the country. Instead of risking his offspring overthrowing the government, the French gave him an island for his chilldren and called it Martinique.
Marti is now back in South Florida at the Playball Academy and training as hard as ever. It’s so good to see his solid and honest work ethic remains, and his stats are such that he will make the Bigs very soon.
On his way from Mexico to play in the Arizona Fall League, Amaury stopped in San Diego and put out the wildfires.
Amaury Marti does not wear a watch cause Amaury Marti decides what time it is!
Amaury Marti is currently suing NBC, claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his batting practice and game bats.
Amaury Marti is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Amaury Marti counted to infinity….. twice
Remember the Soviet Union? They deceided to disband there baseball team after watching Amaury Marti play 3 innings of a game on Satellite TV.
Amaury marti beat the Sun in a staring contest.
Amaury Marti wrote an autobiography….it was just a list of every pitcher he has made retire.
When Amury Marti was 10 years old the moon was actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth… he thought he was playing wiffle ball and hit it into orbit.
[azruavatar: too gross. discretion imposed]
Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of Home Runs Amaury Marti hit that given day.
You know why A is the first letter of the alphabet? Because of Amaury Marti.
Marti Fact= He will be in Big league camp in 08
Amaury Marti does not lift weights , He eats them!
Amaury Marti is perfect in stolen base attempts because every catcher who sees him is afraid to pull a “gun” on him–additionally the violent crime rate drops in every city Amaury plays in because everyone is afraid to pull anything with Amaury around
If Amaury Marti was a Spartan the movie would have been called “1″…
I have a couple of them today…
Superman’s weakness is kryptonite. Amaury Marti laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Superman wears Amaury Marti underroos!
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Amaury Marti allows to live.
The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Amaury Marti played in second grade.
When Amaury Marti gets a hit, he holds his bat up to the air so God (or as Marti knows him, “little buddy”) can send a bolt of lightning down to steal the pitcher’s soul and transfer it to Marti. Producers of the Highlander series were at a baseball game and actually stole the idea from Marti.
Amaury Marti wrote the initial draft of the North American Free Trade Agreement. He then proceeded to sleep with Laura Bush, Nancy Pelosi, and Tipper Gore…. at the same time… in the library of congress.
Amaury Marti always wears a cup when he’s on the field. Not for himself–to protect the players on the other team.
#5 and #25 are hilarious
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